SunApr242011
In 1988 Yellowstone was ravaged by a series of fires that wiped out thousands of acres of the national forest totaling to about 36% of the park. The fires were considered by many to be a devastating tragedy. In July of 2010 I suffered a similar tragedy. I lost my father. He was diagnosed with Severe Acute A.L.L Leukemia and about a week after diagnosis he passed away in the Cleveland Clinic. As quickly as he passed things began to change. We moved from my childhood home of twelve years, college was looming and I had to finish another year at Ignatius. And now that my mentor was gone, who was there to guide me? Life was spinning out of control. Anger took hold. Anger at myself for things I didn’t say to him, anger at God for taking him so soon, and anger at everyone else for not understanding. Death had taken a vicegrip on my life and wrested control from my hands. I was afraid and the future looked bleak. His death reigned over the changing seasons as I struggled to adjust to my new life. I’m the only one now. I have to take care of my sisters and my mom.
Autumn and winter, seasons frequented by darker days and the death of summer were upon me. Trees turned brilliant colors and then as quickly as they turned they gave up. Then, as we all know we are blasted with snow and ice and freezing weather. How could anything survive in this climate let alone something as fragile as human life? I didn’t feel alive. I felt like something was missing. The obvious statement would be to say “My dad’s gone, that’s what’s missing.” But it wasn’t. My dad’s death left a hole in me and my family but it was a hole of someone who was there and suddenly wasn’t, someone you missed, like someone gone on a long vacation. No, the hole in my life was my faith. My faith died along with my father. I quit praying, I went to youth group more for a sense of formality, I became sarcastic and rude to those who told me to have faith. I was obsessed with the idea that God had taken my father and the thought consumed me.
Then I read a book called “Man’s Search For Meaning” by a psychiatrist called Victor Frankl. The book focused on the psychology of the concentration camps in which Frankl was imprisoned. The thing that struck me was his idea that the last of our human freedoms is the ability to choose our attitude in any given situation. I was sad and I was choosing to let it control my life. I wanted to be happy again and I tried to choose that, but just choosing that wasn’t enough, I was struggling to make that choice. Grief was an easier choice than acceptance. A quote I like, from the story of Troy, is when Achilles says to Priam regarding Priam’s dead son, grieve, but do not allow yourself to be consumed by those we have lost.”
I was down, winter was in full swing, even a winter in Phoenix with my family couldn’t cheer me up. I started to do something that I hadn’t done in weeks. I prayed. I prayed for my dad, I prayed for my family, I prayed for myself. I prayed for strength to get back up. What I couldn’t do alone, God helped me. He didn’t bring my dad back but he gave me hope. Hope is the best thing I have. God lifted me up out of the doldrums I was stuck in. Like my dad lifted me up when I fell off my bike, God lifted me up again. And he has continued to lift me up. A phoenix is a bird then when it dies, it burst into flame and then a baby phoenix is born from the ashes. My life was burned down, I lost everything I that was important. But it led to me being reborn. I rise from the ashes as something new. I’m stronger than I was before. My faith in God is stronger.
Easter is a season of resurrection. It is the transition between the old and the new. Easter is the season of new life. Jesus, in his resurrection gives new life us. There is something that is so profound about Easter, the idea that something dead can become something new. Jesus, the risen Jesus is a promise of life to come. That is what Easter is about. Like the death of the trees in the fall and winter Easter and spring bring forth new life. And with his resurrection he brings about a new faith. He brought change, something that is good. He brought new life to new people. Easter brings hope. Hope for something greater than this world, a hope to be with God. Hope is the wind that brings you out of the doldrums, hope is God’s hand reaching down to me when I was falling. The Book of Ruth might be my favorite story in the bible. It is the story of a woman who chooses to stay with her widowed and son-less mother-in-law. Ruth says to her, even after being told to leave and remarry, “I will not leave you, I will stay by your side all the rest of your days.” God never left me. I was too focused on the tunnel ahead that I failed to realize the mountain I was headed into. God’s love is a mountain. God doesn’t leave my side. I have faith in Him that he will protect me and that he knows best. God’s love is the ultimate power, he gave us the Resurrection and he gave us eternal life. To quote Coldplay, “You are a rock, upon which I stand.” In my darkest hour, when everything was crumbling God was there, sturdy as ever. I just chose not to cling to him. He is always there waiting for us to come back to him.
The great Yellowstone fire devastated much of the park. But ecologist discovered something interesting after the fires were extinguished. The seeds of many of the trees there were encased in a shell that could only open and release the seed inside under extreme heat. They were designed to survive the fire. The death of the older trees in the flames had brought forth the opportunity for new life. The death of my father burned my life down. But in that heat, inside the pain I felt, something released, and something grew. Faith in Jesus, Faith in God grew. All it needed was a spark.
I miss my dad, every day of my life I miss him. I took him for granted and I didn’t get nearly the time I should have had with him. But dwelling on his death wont bring him back. Instead, I love what his life and death have taught me. I have learned to accept that things aren’t always going to work out. Life itself doesn’t work out and I don’t believe we get enough time on Earth to waste it annoyed at the little things. Jesus knew his time here was limited so he spent it the way we all should. With people we love. The people we love will make the most meaningful impact on our lives than almost anyone. Jesus spent the last years of his life with his best friends and that night when he gave us his body and blood before he was betrayed he showed us the ultimate love.
Jesus had unending love for every man and woman he met. Love is the basis that our faith is founded on. If anything can be
drawn from Easter it is that love is the strongest thing in the world. The love people showed towards my family and my father still astounds me. God is in all of us and so is his ability to love. Jesus calls all of us his friends and the greatest thing you can do for a friend is to lay your life down for them. Jesus redeemed us by shouldering all the sin and hate in the world and died for us. And then he came back.
Death is not really the end. As cliché as that sounds it isn’t. It is an end to this earthly life for some but for others it is a new beginning. Death is difficult to bear but we can lean on God for support. Let him be your rock, let God take the wheel and drive. Death brought out of me a new life. From something horrible I have emerged into someone new. I have risen from the ashes of my old life a better person. A part of me died but the new is stronger than before. Remember the ones you have lost and look for what you can learn from them. Just because one phase of the journey is over doesn’t mean that we’ve reached the end. If I can leave you with three words I would say hope, hope for the strength to accept help when it is offered, faith; have faith that whatever happens God will be there to pick you up when you fall and love, love those who are gone, love those who are here. Love because above all love can conquer death.